Feeling Anxious

I think I've mentioned before that DH has been starting a new job. He was a social worker for 6 years and during that time managed to complete his schooling and hours to become liscensed as a professional therapist. So since I've been staying at home and the salary for a Social worker doesn't really lend itself to single income families, he decided to try to make a go of it as a therapist.

The first week of July he got this new job as a therapist with an agency in our area. The pay and hours sounded great - he can set his own schedule and he should be getting 40% of the fee, which is $150. We got out the calculater and figured out that he would really only need to work something like 20 billable hours a week in order to make what he was making at the old job - so he went for it.

Well... a number of things have come to light after he started working at the new job. Like most insurance companies pay about half of the actual fee - so he really gets about 40% of $75 in most cases - some cases less, some more. And the person who hired him led him to believe he could build a solid caseload very quickly, but it is taking a lot more time for that to happen than we expected. He has been there 2 months and is now billing about 10-15 hours a week. And he doesn't get paid until the insurance pays the agency which is supposed to take 90 days, but often takes longer. We have yet to see a paycheck. DH talked to the billing person at the agency last week and they said he would be getting a check for around $400 on Sept. 23. The next check won't come until about the same time in October. The October check should be bigger, but I'm not sure how much. You can guess that our mortgage is going to be a good chunck more than that.

Now we aren't in danger of losing our home or going without anything necessary, but it still makes me so anxious. What if it doesn't ever get better at this new job? DH tends to dig his heals in, and I certainly don't want to be the one responsible for making him give up his dream of being a therapist, but he has to have a job that will support this family.

The other question I keep rolling around in my head is whether I should go back to work. I've had mixed feelings about being a SAHM vs a working mom for a long time and this is making all the self-doubt creep in like mad. I really enjoy being home with Katie and having a chance to be there if Alex calls from school or needs me to play taxi driver for this or that. BUT I do miss the everyday interaction with other adults. Seems my blog and the needlework BBs I visit have become my biggest social outlet. It is really a vicious cycle because if Sean were making more money I could afford to get involved with moms groups and go to the Y and get out more. I might need to go back to work though to afford anything like that.

I've actually applied for two positions at a local publishing company. I applied there in March and had two interviews then, but they ended up hiring another candidate. So far they haven't even called this time. I'm confused because last time the HR person called me to tell me they selected someone else because she wanted to encourage me to apply again in the future, because I was definitely "in the running". Now they have two similiar positions open and they won't even call? I would really like to get hired there because I would be writing for crafting publications so I would be able to incorporate my crafting hobbies into my job. I also noticed a few other postions on our local job websites that I could apply for but I haven't. I guess I'm hoping I won't have to. Ultimately I don't want to go back to work unless it is for the perfect opportunity (like the publishing company). Problem is I'm starting to feel like staying home is just being selfish and I need to get out there and make some money so that DH can stay where he is at. He really likes the work at the new job - it just isn't bringing in the dough.

Well, I feel a little better getting all that off my chest. Maybe the publishing company will call on Monday.