ARGH

Really, maybe it is just me, but last time I checked most people generally try to be nice to the person they are trying to have sex with. Right? Or did the whole world just go upside down on me or something?

We had a really nice Valentine's day until bedtime. Dinner at a local chain pizza place with the kids, cards and chocolates, watched LOST together, one of our better nights. Once we are in bed, he makes his move and I'm pretty much inclined to oblige. Until he touches me with his really, really cold hands. I jumped sky high - did not say anything mean - just startled. I was completely planning on continuing. He goes off about how negative I am, and blames me for everything under the sun. Yeah - instant aphrodisiac. I said a few not-so-nice words myself about how he could finish his evening (sans me) and that was the end of that. He hung around a bit not saying anything I guess waiting for me to re-initiate things, but when it was clear I wasn't about to - he went and slept on the couch, and I was relieved to be rid of his toxicity.

The strange thing is that stuff like this happens a lot, and usually I'm really hurt by it. This time it just seemed so absurd. Just felt sort of outside myself like I was watching this really interesting movie/situation, and the absurdity of it all just made me want to cry/laugh/scream/explode, but yet I didn't really feel overly emotional. I dunno, I'm probably not explaining that very well.

Of course we haven't spoken since mostly because we get up to go to work at different times, but we did pass in the hallway right before I left and as he was just getting up. He seemed to make a point of talking to Alex and not to me, but this was really only a 30 sec. timeframe. Now I'm wondering if he is going to act like he did after our fight on Sunday and not talk to me for a few days and claim that I was the one to go off the deep end. Usually this is his attitude when things aren't going well. I just hate all the tension it creates and I know the kids pick up on it too, even though we are both pretty good about not really fighting in front of them.