Job Angst

Remember that placement I got beat out of a week or two ago? Sounds like I'm not out of the running after all. The woman who got the gig has had some unexpected health issues and is not going to be able to accept the position. My firm has again submitted me for the placement. This is no guarentee that I will get it - there are likely other firms submitting other candidates. Of course this brings me back to not really wanting the position. Also there is no "good feeling" in getting it if I do - because they really wanted the other person anyway. Also even though I had an interview that seemed to go well to me - they want me to resubmit my resume and new writing samples. Maybe I'm reading too much into it - but if they want additional stuff over and above what was submitted before, then they must not have been satisfied with what I had turned in before. All this just has me feeling really insecure - I thought my interview went well and they hired the other person off just the interview - so why the extra scrutiny on me. What's wrong with me? Did I raise some doubt about my qualifications in my interview? I dunno...

It also doesn't help that my last placement was mostly clerical. We have sort of a debreifing after each assignment to determine what we learned, how we can do better, how our skills are improved, etc. During this meeting I tried to tactfully explain to my manager that I'm a professional technical writer, and I really don't want to be on clerical assignments. He was trying to be all reassuring and said something to the effect that he was confident in my skills and that we should have no problem placing someone with 1-2 years experience. ARGH!! I have 5 - 6 years experience. This is my problem - everyone sees me as entry level when I am not! But then, isn't that my fault - how am I projecting that image?? I'm 32 and while I might look a little young, I know I don't exude 22, fresh out of college, anymore. There are two other woman, both also technical writers, both also hired around the same time as me, both within 5 years of my age who seem to get way more respect and proposed for much better placements. At least if I get this placement and do a good job in it and get positive feedback from the client (which I'm completely confident will happen if given the chance!), perhaps I'll have proved myself a bit.

So I guess I reluctantly want the position so that I can flex my muscles a bit - but geesh - why do I have to prove myself and everyone assumes these other people can do the job with no question??