Friday, October 21, 2005

I have an interview.

And I have very mixed feelings about it. The job will be okay I think, and I also think I have a pretty decent shot at getting it since it is an almost identical job to what I was doing before just for a different company. If I get it, it will be such a relief to have health insurance again and a set amount of money we can rely on to pay the bills without racking up any more debt. So why do I feel like crying whenever I think about it? I know why, really, I just am having a hard time thinking about finding a day care and then just leaving Katie there all day. :(

After all, she isn't going to understand. All she has ever known is mommy all day every day. She's only had a sitter twice and both times it was my sister for a few hours in the evening. I'm so worried she is just going to think I'm abandoning her there with some strangers. It will be good for her to play with some other kids her own age and socialize a bit - I just wish I was independently wealthy and could take her to the Y and library and community classes for her age group to get her socialized instead.

Sean is being supportive and feels really bad about it too, mostly because he doesn't want me to have to work if I don't want to - I don't think he is really worried about Katie as much as I am. He seems to think she'll adjust well, and I really hope he is right. Don't get me wrong he loves her too and everything - I just feel like he doesn't really 'get it' about leaving her with strangers.

I know some people are able to work from home or babysit for others to make extra money, but I don't really feel that is an option for me. First, I really need an income not something to supplement DH's income (at least for right now - there is potential for that to change - but nothing is certain right now). Second, I just don't feel I'm cut out to watch other people's children. I was an education major early in my college career and changed majors mostly because I recognized I just didn't have the patience for other people's kids. I do fine with my own, but I think I would grow to resent someone else's kid in my house taking up my time and energy. That would end up not being good for those kids or for me. Possibly I could do it for one of my sisters' children, but they all live to far away.

Anyway, the job interview isn't til next Thursday morning, so I have plenty of time to think about it, or torture myself about it.


Jill in CA said...

((((Jenny)))) I'm sorry you're feeling so sad about the idea of going back to work; it sucks, doesn't it? As for finding daycare for Katie, I recommend looking at churches because they are non-profit and thus less costly. When we put Luke in preschool/daycare when he was almost 3 it was substantially cheaper at the Christian preschool than at the daycare center ($408/month vs. $596/month for 3 full days, and the $596 at the daycare was with a 10% discount through my employer).

Anyway, I know it's hard to leave your child to go back to work; I hope that the right job comes along or that things turn around with your DH's work. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

bunnyhead said...

I had a hard time leaving the girls when I went back to work after I had Amanda. I had to go back because my husband was out of work and there were no tech jobs to be found. That was the hardest thing in the world for me. But don't worry about your kids adjusting to it. They will be fine. :) It's mostly mommy who can't handle the separation. Best of luck on the interview and try not to let it get you down. It may be a great opportunity for you and your family. Big {{{hugs}}}