*Big sigh* I really don't want to, but it is becoming clear that I have to go back to work. It has been a full year since I quit my job to be a SAHM, and while I can't say its been all sunshine and roses, I've really enjoyed being at home with Katie. I also have to be honest and say that for me it really is a lot less stressful and I do have way more free time working in the home at being a mom than I did when I worked a full time job. I know for a lot of moms working as a SAHM is more work because they have more kids, or just hold themselves to a higher standard and do more. For me though it has mostly been watching Alex and Katie play, playing with them, and light housework. So of course I don't want to give it up.
Sean is just not making enough money on his own though to support the family. It isn't because he isn't working hard or doesn't want to - it just isn't happening. His old job didn't pay enough, but we got by on first our savings and then our tax return all the while cutting corners on luxuries and even some needs. Sean changed jobs in the hopes that he would make more money and I wouldn't have to go back to work. Because he is a therapist working for an agency, he has to wait for the insurance to pay claims on his patients before he gets any money, so we went 3 months without any paycheck at all. Now that some money is coming in, it isn't even as much as what he was making at the old job. He has been working his but off to get enough clients to support us, but people keep canceling or worse not showing up at all. He seems to be gone all the time trying to be around the office more to get more clients but it is just not happening. It is really taking a toll on him and I want to be supportive, but I'm so anxious about there not being any money. We are currently making ends meet by borrowing on our home equity loan, but obviously that cannot be a long term solution.
Soooo I've been hunting through the want ads applying for at least one good possibility every day. I just can't get motivated to do more - I don't want to go back to work, but at least there would be enough money and it would take a lot of pressure off DH, who is so stressed right now. I'm also terrified that having been out of work for a year, no one will want to hire me. I could always work in retail or food service, or what have you and I would if Katie was already in school. I can't now cause it would cost as much to send her to a reputable day care as I would be making. My field (technical writing) just doesn't happen to be hopping in the greater Milwaukee area right now.
Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me that I find something soon.
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